2nd

I will learn from you...look into your eyes and fall madly in love while you dream of other places. Your soul will be restless and mine will anguish. I've never wanted to touch and be touched like this before. I'd break every rule that I have just to spend a little bit longer with you. "Is it love or is it just madness?"

Void

There is nothing quite like an empty house to remind you of just how lonely, selfish, and empty YOU are inside. I feel like no one will ever love me again...and it's all my fault.

Love Lana Del Rey

I was in the winter of my life- and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night I fell sleep with a vision of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times. I was a singer, not very popular one, who once has dreams of becoming a beautiful poet- but upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again- sparkling and broken. But I really didn’t mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living- they asked me why. But there’s no use in talking to people who have a home, they have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people, for home to be wherever you lied you head.
I was always an unusual girl, my mother told me that I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing me due north, no fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide as wavering as the ocean. And if I said that I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying- because I was born to be the other woman. I belonged to no one- who belonged to everyone, who had nothing- who wanted everything with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about- and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzlez and dizzied me.
Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people- and finally I did- on the open road. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore- except to make our lives into a work of art.
LIVE FAST. DIE YOUNG. BE WILD. AND HAVE FUN.
I believe in the country America used to be. I believe in the person I want to become, I believe in the freedom of the open road. And my motto is the same as ever- *I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself- I Ride. I Just Ride.*http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Py_-3di1yx0

The Uh Oh.

I'm finally learning to trust my instincts...to not ignore my "uh oh" feelings. Looks like you didn't love me after all. At least I was honest about not being able to love you. Thank god I didn't marry you.

I love...

This is really old...but it is sweet and helps me to remember that what we had was good. :-) I love the way you kiss me on the forehead, the way you text or call me just to let me know you are thinking of me, I love that you take care of me when I'm sick, I love that we eat breakfast together every morning, I love that you love God, I love that you help me put lotion on my back, I love that you accept my past, I love that you respect my future, I love the orchid you bought me, I love that you focus on the little things that mean the most to me, I love that you listen, I love that you are not judgmental, I love that you accept me...even with all my flaws, I love that you have seen me at my worst and still think I'm beautiful

All Too Well

Oh Taylor...why do your words have to rip through me and make me feel so much?

Maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe you asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece
Until I tore it all up
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Back before I lost the one real thing I've ever know
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.

I can't decide if what I'm doing is the best or the worst decision of my life. I just really hope someone will love me that way again someday...when I'm ready to be loved deeply and treated well.

Hopelessly Romantic or Romantically Hopeless?

Is it really so much to ask for a love that transcends time? A love that inspires such strong emotion that people write about it in songs and movies? I just want to feel something...anything at all. Incredible sadness would be just as satisfying as incredible joy right now. I'm sick of being the one that got away. I'm sick of causing pain to the people I love. I would give anything just to love someone the way that I have been loved. I feel broken.

Too Cold Outside For Angels to Fly

And they say
She's in the Class A Team
Stuck in her daydream
Been this way since 18
But lately her face seems
Slowly sinking, wasting
Crumbling like pastries
And they scream
The worst things in life come free to us
Cos we're just under the upper hand
And go mad for a couple of grams
And she don't want to go outside tonight
And in a pipe she flies to the Motherland
Or sells love to another man
It's too cold outside
For angels to fly
An angel will die
Covered in white
Closed eye
And hoping for a better life
This time, we'll fade out tonight
Straight down the line

What a sad song. I always think of Jane on Breaking Bad when I hear it...I never want to be that hopelessly addicted to anything...or anyone. 

Yeah...

"Another year has passed and I'm alright...I lick the salt from my wounds and run into the night."- The Distillers

Well, I'm surviving. Trying to figure out how to love, live, and be happy while everyone else seems to have it figured out so well. I live mostly in the past, which makes it almost impossible to be present...I will never live up to my own expectations. I hate my job. I can't be nice to the person who loves me the most. I'm so incredibly fucked up. I want to blame it on my past....say it was my parents' faults or whatever...but no, I'm just fucked up all on my own. I hate excuses. There is no fiber in my being that makes me want to have children and that just adds to all of the reasons why there is something wrong with me. I can't have children, both mentally and most likely physically. I don't care about it one bit. Every day that goes by I just think more and more about running away and how there is nothing for me here...which is SO FUCKED UP because I have friends and family here PLUS an amazing man that love me more than anything. I'm just emotionally unattached to everything at this point. I can't live in the now...I'm either over-analyzing the past or worrying about the future. I pretty much hate myself.....and after having my jackass of a father passive-aggressively starving me during my visit I feel like I'm fucking morbidly obese or something. Fuck him. He's a chubby fuck too. Who's fucking no-metabolism genes does he think I inherited??? I say fuck too much. Need to clean up my mouth. I'm a fuckin' lady.