Thanks Devin, for pointing out that my blog is crazy...lol...I'm glad you still love me and let me in your house! Here is another looney one for you:
My Drunk:
It's 9pm and I have just spent the last 3 hours re-reading old emails and wondering where in the world these past memories have hidden themselves in my brain. The past is often hard to deal with and maybe in trying so hard to get over it, I've forced myself to forget it as well. In reading these lost emails, I feel like I have opened a sort of pandora's box. The pain has hit me like a brick. I saw the horrible emails you wrote...saw your hurtful words and terrifying threats...I had almost entirely forgotten those two years I spent being sucked into your downward spiral. Thank you for reminding me. In your letters I was able to relive the all too common drunken nights when you would stumble home around 4am and expect me to be willing to accomodate your various needs. I now remember the times you smashed my things in the road because I wouldn't answer your phone calls. I changed my number three times but you still kept finding me...no one should ever have to go through that. You threatened not only my life, but the lives of my family and friends. I STAYED WITH YOU THROUGH ALL OF THIS. What was wrong with me??? The biggest thing I remember about being with you is losing my own integrity. I did and said things that make me cringe to this day. This is not your fault...I accept full responsibility for becoming the whore that I was. But I am not a whore today
About Me
- Cassandra
- I'm 26 and currently living in Ogden, Utah...Got a bachelor's degree and ain't doin shit with it. As far as my personality goes…it depends on the day! I'm a pretty forward person. I let people know exactly what is on my mind and I hate head games. Most people would say that I talk WAY TOO MUCH and way too fast...but I just have a lot on my mind. I have a really bad habit of being late for everything. Most people would say that means I am inconsiderate but I think it has more to do with being a scatterbrain. I lose everything.I also have a hard time staying on the same subject and find myself confusing half the people I talk to. I recognize the wonder in all things. I often leap before I look. I tend to change my mind often. I am always learning. I have recognized that God only gives me what He knows I can handle…and I am happy to know He thinks I am insanely strong. I have not always been religious…it has taken me almost my whole life to really see the TRUTH. I hate losing at board games
4 comments:
You are Crazy: Crazy cool, crazy hot, crazy fun, crazy smart, crazy nice, crazy in all the right ways.
I'm willing to bet that whoever this was writtin about still hasn't forgivin himself, and would end his life if he thought that would erase the past memories, and allow you to let go, even though the hate was directed at you, and the hate was meant to cause you pain, it backfired, and he is still pained and haunted by who he was, and who he will never be again. Maybe thats why he is trying to do only good things now, because he is so ashamed of the way he acted, and wishes that god would let him release the hate and anger, so he could be at peace.
I was just venting....I understand that it was a different life for both of us and that we are both trying to move on from it. I don't hate you or hold anything against you anymore...I have forgiven you, so you should forgive yourself. The hardest part is that I'm such a packrat that I hold on to everything including every letter or picture that I have ever gotten. Every once in a while it brings me back...and I feel that pain again. It's normal and healthy and helps me realize how far I've come...and how much I've matured. If you are doing only good things, then you should feel the same.
I should feel the same, I know... but I don't, no matter how far I come It's hard to forget and forgive who I was, he was a bastard and he cost me everything.... You have every right to vent, I could give a fuck about impressing anyone who reads this, I just wanted you to know I am sorry, for everything. I even apologize to lindsay, she had to be there as your best friend and feel helpless.
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