Winding down...

Once again, it is almost one in the morning and I am still awake...I just cracked open a pepsi to hopefully calm myself down and bring on some sleepyness. Totally doesn't make sense, but that's how my ADHD works...weird. I just realized today how sometimes, life being incredibly shitty, just makes me love and appreciate God so much more. I have been through so much in the past that as soon as it starts to feel like everything is falling apart in my life, I usually turn on him...but this time has been so different. Instead of the woe is me shit, I take a second to remember why He throws me these curveballs...to STRENGTHEN me...and I am grateful to be broken. I feel like the best way to describe what's being done is to use muscle as an example; it can only be strengthened and built if it is first broken down. I really feel like there are times when He brings me to my lowest of lows only to lift me back up twice as high. It's already happened twice in the past 5 years...I'm waitin on a 3rd time. :) I just wish it would hurry and happen. I am sick of putting my heart out there for someone who will only end up breaking it. Please, oh please God, just let me move on!